There's nothing bad about being lonely... Really.. Have the feeling I might be coming down with something. Throats hurts like hell.. feels like someone stuffed 2 tennis balls down my throat.. Nose and ears are blocked so whenever someone speaks, I'll go like, "HUH!!?? You were saying?"


Till I get better and less grouchy.... I'm off to bed. =(

loVe iS a deLuSiOn tHat OnE mAn dIffErs fRoM aNotHer.

As I sit down and type this post, I don't know how much longer I will last. After months of struggling and family emotional drama, I'm not sure why and what I am still fighting. It seems to me that everyone has already given up.

Mum moved out to Aunt's place, Sis is staying over alot at her bf's place and Dad doesn't come home till late at night.


The silence in the house is so loud. I don't think I can take it anymore. Day after day of facing the same 4 walls.


I've always thought if I tried hard enough and work hard enough, everything will change eventually. I thought things will be ok. I'm so wrong.

Broke down again yesterday night in my room. Crying uncontrollably. Thoughts that I thought I've buried deep inside me resurfaced again. Scary thoughts about death and killing my dad.


I've thought about it. Thought about taking a knife and stabbing him in his sleep. Am I very evil for wanting to do so? Or am I just crazy? It scares me how calm I am when I'm thinking about it. Picturing it in my head.

I keep hearing the voice in me. Screaming out loud for help but no sound came out. Its telling me to just do it and after that, kill myself too. I've already thought about the letter to my family, or rather whats left of them. Home is no longer a safe place to be in. There's nowhere safe to be in.



loVe iS a deLuSiOn tHat OnE mAn dIffErs fRoM aNotHer.

Too tired from work. Have been working 12 hours straight for the past week. Absolutely need some time to rest my brain cells, or rather, what's left of them. Hate the feeling of guilt when friends complain they are not seeing enough of me. I wish i could offer them a piece of me.

*tIng cuts her body into several parts. Blood spurts out everywhere.*

I hope they don't mind it cause its pretty bloody. Would you like a toe or an arm? How about a thigh or an ankle?

*tIng pulls her hair and screams.*

Tired. Shall not think. Sleep.

*tIng crawls onto her bed.*

Lately, i've been trying my best to organise my thoughts so as to blog better. However, something at the back of my mind keeps stopping me from doing so. What it is?

I guess its largely due to the fact that people i know are reading my blog and because of that, i cant blog as freely as i used to. I could no longer write about how i truly feel about certain issues and people for the fear that my words may upset them. Therefore, i try my best to sugar-coat my feelings and try my best to be diplomatic towards everyone.

Then i realised.. There no longer a need for keeping this blog since it no longer reflects me.

It has been about year since i've started this blog. Most of the entries are sad and about my love life. Since i've decided to start anew, i've decided to move my blog to another address. I hope that by doing so, i'll be able to leave these unhappy and very unwanted memories behind me. I hope my new blog will reflect more of me as a person rather than a sugar coated one.

Good luck to me..

loVe iS a deLuSiOn tHat OnE mAn dIffErs fRoM aNotHer.

loVe iS a deLuSiOn tHat OnE mAn dIffErs fRoM aNotHer.

There are times in life when things happen in a relationship and you'll realise things are never the same anymore. Its like once the paper's crumpled up, it cant be perfect again. From then, things either get better and feelings grow stronger or people may become less attracted/needy/unfeeling towards their other half. Seriously, i don't know which case i prefer things to turn out.

So i told myself... Either way, you'll still die alone. That made me feel abit better.


loVe iS a deLuSiOn tHat OnE mAn dIffErs fRoM aNotHer.

Been kinda busy these days.. Work is getting real hard and i'm trying my best to try to get things done. I miss Daphane. I miss how she always tells me that work is never ending and how is should do more thing for me and not for the company.

Daphane.. If you see this post.. Mail me.. Where the hell have you been?!! &%$^&^%^**

Life's really weird. Sailor and and i just go on as though nothing happened. Its as though we never had an arguement or never attempted to break up. *shrugs* But i guess from all this, its a reminder to me that i should not let another person be the focus of my life. No one's gonna be there when i fall. I came to this world alone and i'll most likely die alone. *shrugs*

Been thinking about the song Kelly (Superstar) sang during the Finals. Its called "Bei Ai De Nu Ren". I like the lyrics.. Kinda reflects how i feel right now.. Especially the last line.. "Wo bu shi mei chi shi lian hou, dou neng cong xin zai lai".

*tIng sighs.*

If one day, Sailor boy really leaves me, I dont think i'll put myself out there and believe in love. Seeking something that's I cant see or touch is not as practical as getting cash. I'm sorry for being so cold and unfeeling. But that's the way things are right now.

Right now i only have one thought..... $30k..

I want to reach that target. I'm determined to hit that target. I'll prove to people i can do it. Sometimes, i feel that people at work don't really like me. Maybe its because the other new comer is not really very good so everyone is more protective towards her. Whereas on the other hand, i'm coping "too well". So well that i've gotten a very big client within my 1st month. I didn't ask for it. I so happened to pick up the phone at the right time. But anyway, i'm not there to make friends. I'm just there to do my work.. Earn the cash and get out ASAP.

You'll think freedom is a precious thing but what's freedom to me when i don't feel chained in the first place?! Life's ironic, isn't it? If there's one place i have to name as a paradise in Singapore, i would say its my fave pub. No one knows about that pub except me and the person who brought me there. Its soo quiet that no one in my circle never heard of it. I'm selfish and i wun say where it is. I like to think of it as my special place.

Its been a long time since i've been there..

I miss it..

loVe iS a deLuSiOn tHat OnE mAn dIffErs fRoM aNotHer.